


Reluctant to Love

by peachgreentea



Series: Tactile AU [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Not My Fault, Soulmate AU, also it isn't super important, and it is valentine's day so, anyway this has been in my wips for 3 years, because alya is v v bi, but i sure as hell wrote her that way this time, but make it djwifi, but nino is colorblind, i don't make the rules, i don't usually think of alya as demi, i might have been projecting my feelings about things a smidge, it is more explained in the lovesquare story in this series, just a teeny tiny bit, loss of sense of touch au, nino is a unicorn, only brief mentions of the lovesquare in here, slightly more of marinette, this is basically a love letter to nino, welcome back to my weird soulmate au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29446281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachgreentea/pseuds/peachgreentea
Summary: Alya doesn't trust or believe in the Universe and she would much prefer to fall in love in her own time. Whensheis ready, rather than some higher force. Unfortunately, things don't go the way she planned or hope, but with Nino as her soulmate it might just be okay.
Relationships: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Series: Tactile AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162850
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Reluctant to Love

**Author's Note:**

> This was first started in January 2018 and has been slowly written (there are reasons but not necessarily good ones) but I feel like it is basically ready and today is a good day to share it!

Alya avoided touching when possible, which, as a hands-on type of person, was a bit of a challenge. There were people, outside of her family, that she knew were safe - either because they had someone that they loved or already found their soulmates, or even because sexualities didn’t match up. Marinette was a bit iffy at first because they _clicked_ and Alya… just wasn’t ready. But then something happened with Adrien, not that she ever got an actual story on that one, and she figured it was safe. In a way Mari was still Alya’s soulmate because they just worked so well together - it was just platonic and without all of the weird touching magic.

The thing was, Alya may be a romantic but that was mostly directed at other people. She was all for helping Marinette figure out her love life, or helping and encouraging some of their friends and classmates, or trying to knock some fucking sense into LadyNoir (she _really, r e a l l y_ wanted to see that ship sail)… it just wasn’t what she wanted for herself. Not right now. There was this trend, this ingrained concept, that as soon as you found your soulmate and all the magic mumbo-jumbo worked itself out you would automatically jump into a romantic relationship and that was not Alya. At all.

No, there needed to be an actual foundation for a relationship that wasn’t based on unexplained hocus-pocus that decided people should be together. Alya didn’t quite trust the universe or whatever all that much and knew that if she and whoever she did get matched with didn’t actually work things out, you know - actually talk it out, or get to know each other things could get really bad, and end even worse. She had heard too many stories, had seen things herself. She would need to build that trust, the actual relationship, before addressing romantic aspects and feelings.

Even more than that though, she just wasn’t ready. She didn’t think she had the time - with her schoolwork, her family, the Ladyblog, and filming battles. Alya had plans! And goals, ideas, and so much more. Things that did not really account for the universe stepping in and making itself (and its own plans) known. In the form of a spotted hero, a boy, and a cage.

Great.

It wasn’t even like she had a choice in the matter either. That would have been better because she would have put it off for another 3 (5? 10? 20? forever?) years or something. And especially not right after declaring that boy to be like a brother to her because she knew (had _known_ ) they would _click_ , just like she did with Marinette or even more than that. And so she had tried to dodge it. But the universe (Ladybug) muscled its way in and intervened in that plan.

_She wasn’t ready._

And so she touched her soulmate by being forcibly thrown into a cage and tumbling all over each other - it was pretty much inevitable. It took a couple of minutes after they separated and for Alya to bemoan the fact that she was missing the battle (and it was her dad! She _needed_ to know what was happening) for either of them to notice that they couldn’t quite feel the dirt at the bottom of the cage or the texture of their clothes, tactile sensations were becoming increasingly muffled, and Alya was coming to a conclusion and did not want to deal with the implications. For as long as she possibly could that was her plan: avoid the situation and the knowledge that she did have a soulmate and that they had initiated the ~~cursed~~ magic effect as much as she conceivably could.

⁂

There were many, numerous times that Alya was thankful that Nino was her soulmate. He was chill and laid back but he was smarter than even he gave himself credit for… and he _understood_. He didn’t push for being in a romantic relationship and actually was the one that suggested it when they met up after The Cage Incident, he seemed to understand her without her even needing to say it. So while they knew they were soulmates, they hadn’t regained the entirety of their sense of touch because of where they stood. Which, to be fair, wasn’t much of anywhere, it was all in limbo, or maybe it was more of a liminal space because they were somewhere _between_ and outside of the normal and typical.

Alya had a feeling the universe wasn’t too pleased with them if weird bits of meddling and happenstance were anything to go by. Their best friends knew, but didn’t quite understand (even though they had their own drama and confusion and whatever the hell else was happening between them) and tried to hint that maybe they should try to do the dating thing sooner rather than later. They kept somehow being forced to touch each other by outside forces. An akuma would attack and they would inevitably end up locked in a closet (which was the _worst_ because she couldn’t film the battle), or trapped under a desk, or locked in a cage (again, but smaller this time), or literally tied up together by soulmate themed akumas. When they would hang out or go for a walk they were bumped into by an unusually high number of people that usually resulted in them touching in some way, even just fleetingly. 

And it was so _frustrating_ because Alya still wasn't ready to talk about it, to move towards romantic entanglement. Even if it was with Nino, who was great. Who, unlike the universe had some damn patience and knew (and understood) that she had other priorities, had goals she was trying to meet.

She had a portfolio to build, writing samples to edit, blogs to update, and so she ignored (violently smothered even) any romantic inklings she might have had. She avoided thinking about feelings and sensations, about a sweet, wonderful boy who had more patience than there was depth in the Marianas Trench. Because she wasn't ready - to fall in love, to commit to a romantic relationship, to admit to herself that _maybe_ she was in denial as it had all already happened…

⁂

She often wondered if it was bad that he made her want to scream sometimes, mostly out of frustration because he was just so supportive. Nino listened to her ranting about their friends, the heroes, her blog, her frustrations, and her responsibilities. Then he would do his best to help her which she didn’t know how to handle. From him helping her edit and improve the sound quality of her videos, to helping edit her writing samples, and commiserating with her on everything else... he was just so _good_?? How could he be when they were mutually avoiding a big elephant of a topic all because she had a hang-up on being prepared, being ready, for a relationship, and not knowing if that would ever happen. She was constantly second-guessing it but she just _could_ _not_ get out of her own head and denial. An anxious corner of her brain always questioning how she was going to handle a romantic partner on top of everything else - if he was going to receive the time and attention he _deserved_ ; if he would stay once she opened up to him completely...

If she was deserving - of a soulmate, of _Nino._

⁂

It was getting harder to ignore the sensations Nino invoked when he touched her, especially since he would use touch to comfort her when she was stressed, which had been happening more frequently as of late because he knew she was a tactile and physically affectionate person most of the time. A simple resting of his hand on her shoulder, her forearm, her jittering knee would send gentle ripples of calm - akin to the surface of a pond after something is skimmed across or thrown in. It was enough to cause her to take a deep breath and release even just an ounce of tension. That little bit would then cause its own ripple effect as she continued to relax, even when he was no longer touching her. Prolonged contact, like an arm around the shoulder, or a full hug, or just cradling her hand (she shoved away the way her heart fluttered at the way he would at times stroke her skin or play with her fingers) relaxed her in an indescribable way, which for someone who prided herself on her mastery of language and literary devices was rather vexing.

Those longer moments of feeling usually left her feeling calm, cool, and collected, often in a sharp difference to the way she felt before. Sometimes it was like she had just spent an indefinite time floating in a deep, tranquil pool. Sometimes it felt like the way he smelled - the sensation of warm stone, a gentle forest, or dappled sunlight (she avoided the immediate and obvious comparison to the softness and color of his eyes). It was always something calming, but with so much depth, comforting warmth, and _life_.

He was literally her foil in life, as she thought of herself as more of a fire, burning with intensity, quick and ever-moving, leaving an impact behind wherever she went, with whatever she did. Or maybe like a tropical storm, all fast-moving winds and intensity, full of driving rain (that is to say: full of questions in need of answers) and impressive ~~photographic~~ shots, and lightning strikes of inspiration. The perfect poetic contrast to his mellow calm and tranquility, her as the hare to his tortoise.

It was perpetually exhausting to maintain the lockdown on her heart and feelings, and sometimes they would stage a jailbreak past her denial - _she wasn’t ready, they don’t know each other well enough yet, not yet not yet n o t y e t_ \- because no matter how much she wasn’t ready to admit it their relationship had long since built a strong foundation of trust and caring and understanding. But it was getting so much harder to keep all of the feelings in check when he smiled at her, brought her drinks (coffee) and food (always with a scolding, “Alya stop skipping meals,” which would instead make her traitor of a heart skip a beat), or when he stood in that one particular spot and the light would dance in his eyes and… She didn’t want to relinquish the control that she had on her life and plans and timing.

Even if he had pretty much woven himself into her day-to-day and was constantly there for her in even the smallest of ways.

She was trying to get out of her head, and devote some time to getting to know Nino and there were times that her heart tried to give out on her. She would make him talk, usually by nudging him with reminders that he listened to _her_ all the time, and that she wanted to know about his projects too. The first time he got really into talking about musical progression and theory she thought he was physically sparkling from excitement. It was really his eyes, and _nooo_ , she was not solely looking at them. She still wasn’t quite ready to admit to the way that his smile would melt her heart (and her resolve), let alone the way he still paid attention to her even in the middle of a tangent. She assumed it would show on her face when something he said would confuse her because he would pause and rephrase in a way that she understood (and he always knew how to do _that_ too).

The amount that he cared for his loved ones, but most obviously her, rocked her. He made it so easy to picture a future when she watched him with their siblings, as they learned how to handle that responsibility better, together. He seemed to instinctively know when he had to sacrifice himself as the distraction for the kids so she could finish working on the development of a new idea, or wrap up writing and editing, or whatever it might be at that instance. Not that she didn't spare herself some work breaks to watch ~~him~~ them play. She also paid no mind to the way she less forcefully pushed away visions of the future and the possibility of their own littles being the ones he was playing with instead of the twins and Chris. Every so often she would let those thoughts play out a little bit further… and then the guilt would wrap its fingers around her heart. They still hadn't talked about it, done anything about it. She wasn't ready… not quite yet.

It was getting easier to accept though. That she would be ready. Nino made her want to be ready. So she was working on it, because he, no - **they** , deserved it. 

He was genuinely precious. Those times he would bring her drinks he always seemed to accurately predict her cravings. As he also did with the food he gave her, which varied from simple snacks to actual meals. The food was usually something that was minimally messy and could often be eaten using only one hand (he knew she would probably work and eat at that point anyway). Then there were the non-food gifts. She never knew what to expect other than that they reminded him of her. Sometimes they were related to heroes, writing, or ladybug themed. Occasionally, they were just her favorite color, or that he thought they would match her eyes. Other times because they had the same ‘vibe’ and still more when there was apparently no reason and he would just smile at her.

All of that was also the same guy who didn’t notice that she started braiding part of her hair back _and_ got new glasses for three weeks. She had tried to tease him about it but ended up being the flustered one instead.

“Well, you always look beautiful and didn’t really think you wanted me telling you that all the time, as of right now. But since you asked, the braids look great - they really frame your face well. And as for the glasses…. I guess now that you mention it and I am looking for it… they are greener now, right? They definitely make some of those darker flecks in your eyes pop out.”

The glasses were purple. Which she did manage to mutter out while doing everything in her power to make sure he could not see her blushing.

He also crafted so many playlists for her. And they all had _themes_. He made ones for when she was running through the city to make it to an akuma battle or hero sighting, full of high energy and badass songs. There were playlists for homework, for sleeping, a playlist specifically for writing her Ladyblog posts. One for her twin sisters, one for her to relax and destress to, yet another of all her favorite songs to dance to - and songs that she hadn't heard before but still got her moving. She did her best to be cool, the most chill, about the fact that some of _those_ songs were ones that Nino made, specifically for **her**. She was not usually successful, but she tried.

⁂

It was becoming increasingly painless to listen to her heart (which had been making a fuss for quite a while but she had built a lot of walls to dampen it) and the universe (which was getting both impatient and insistent by this point) with every touch from Nino… She felt those very walls break apart brick by brick every time he hugged her, easing his way past her defenses with easy and gentle instances of casual intimacy that soothed her worries. She had thought the Dupain-Chengs were all masters in the art of hug-giving, but they just could never beat the way that his hugs were like a balm to her mind and soul. The way that he held her, occasionally smoothing her hair, or fiddling with the ends, and rubbed gentle soothing circles wherever his other hand rested made her worries seem so much less daunting. Not to mention the way it quieted her doubts about _them_.

“Hey, Nino, do you know you are like a unicorn?”

“...What.”

“Yeah.” She refused to meet his eyes but still forged ahead. “You are amazing and unique and so, so beautiful like, inside and out. It is a little intimidating, honestly. But at the same time, who doesn’t love unicorns? I mean I certainly do, especially if they are y-”

She cut herself off because suddenly her head was tilted up, and all she could see was his unfairly handsome face, with his eyes glittering like amber in the light, small curls peeking out from under his hat, and the beginnings of a heart-stopping smile as he held her gaze. Even as her heart tried to beat its way right out of her chest, and her face attempted to change color with the sheer force of her blush she could not help feeling those ripples of calm echoing out from where he still gently held her chin.

“Oh? You love -"

She didn't respond with words, but then again she didn't have to. He certainly knew how that sentence was going to end. But they both definitely enjoyed the feeling of her answer.

**Author's Note:**

> 💞🧡💚🧡💚💞
> 
> you can find me on tumblr: [thepeachgreentea](http://thepeachgreentea.tumblr.com)


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